Return to Childhood

Your face is wrinkled, unlike a child, yet your body is soft, plump, curled into itself, wanting touch.

You are confused, fearful, grabbing hands as they walk by, dependent, sometimes pleasant and trusting, sometimes angry and defensive. The face is questioning, hopeful, eager to find kindness.

We have talked about your life with you, conjuring images of your childhood, your early years, your marriage to your sweetheart, it has been over fifty years and your face still softens with their name, your eyes glisten with memories.

I have held your wrinkled hands, I have smoothed your hair, I have dried your tears and listened when you shouted, when you railed against the world, against God, angry that you can no longer understand what is happening to you, why you are here in this noise, in this pain, in this unfamiliar and foreboding place.

How long has it been since you have felt a caress, since you have heard "I love you" from those you love? Do you dream of kisses from long ago? Feel your lovers arms about you, holding you tight, loving you? Do you feel your child's soft body in your arms, do you hear their cries in the night, but not remember their names?

I wonder at those who are silent, whose faces are blank, whose bodies are curled from want of use. I wonder at the thoughts inside. Are they already in places beyond, though their body continues to breathe? It is a mystery, it brings tears to my eyes. I want to hold them and remind them that they were once alive.

You are what keeps me awake at night. Your faces and grief causes a lump in my throat. Yet you also bring joy to me as we talk of your past and your wishes for life after your body has ceased to live.

I wish you peace, I will hold your hands, and sometimes I will kiss your face and put my arms around you because I know that you yearn for touch and will find solace in the stranger that I am.

Tell me your stories because I will remember them and hold them in my heart and share them with those who care for you because it gives you a face.

You have returned to childhood and perhaps that is merciful. May you find peace in your memories and find joy at the end.